shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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