Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
