Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize