she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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