Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
being pregnant is like rehab
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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