Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
