I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
