Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
