Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
