Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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