IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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