Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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