remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
