TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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