Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He shit in the fireplace
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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