I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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