I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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