I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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