i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
