I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
