I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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