Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
