i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize