Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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