I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
