Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
