1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
