Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
