He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
