i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
