but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
