His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Randomize
