If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
