just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
