drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
