So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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