Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
