nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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