All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i out mim tonsoeep
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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