Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
