u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
