Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
