Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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