Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
