you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's Friday. Sex?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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