I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
