they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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