Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
