I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize