I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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