I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
