Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize