i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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