youre lurking in front of me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
