Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
