He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
