Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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