I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
