...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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