Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
