...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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