where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
