I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
