remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
