i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The Olympian is in my bed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize