I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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