Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
