Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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