i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
