She just used a chaser for red wine.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
