He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
