You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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