he puts the penis in happiness.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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