you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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