It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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