Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
