four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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