Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
