They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
