And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
