I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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