I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
