...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
