and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
