I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
