the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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