she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
