just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
