He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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