The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
