Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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