I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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