did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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