I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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