I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize