Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
