Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
