great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize