so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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